This year alone has been absolutely insane and we’ve barely made it to the halfway point. I’ve been through so many troubling and heartbreaking things that I don’t even know where to begin. And sometimes I wonder if I ever really will be able to make my way out of it.
But one thing I wanted to change was this disconnection from my blog. My last legitimate blog post on here (which I deleted) was from last November. Even then, after re-reading it before I removed it, I could tell my stories really haven’t been as interesting or as intimate as some write theirs up to be. It’s like, I wasn’t writing for me anymore, I was just writing to let others know that I still exist.
But don’t get me wrong, I have been missing in action more than ever recently. A lot of my friends have noticed that too. I’ve had a steady, busy, work life with over 50 hours a week. And I’ve managed to snag myself more and more responsibilities every month that I didn’t know could even be added to my list of reasons I want to just sleep away the sorrows. As the days go by, I feel like I’ve just been getting busier and busier and who knows when I’ll finally have that chance to just breathe.
But back to this site. So in my infamous effort to try and reach out to other people again, I’m restarting the era of online writing for myself. With all of these changes in my life over the past couple of months, I feel as though I need a sort of outlet to really find ways to let things and make peace with my inner self. And that’s what the online world has always been for me, another home. It was a place where I had boundless opportunities to speak my mind and express myself. Of course I don’t mean that in a sense where you’ll end up seeing me on some other kind of online site – if you know what I mean. I have always found a separate, but unified world with my online presence. I met a lot of cool and memorable people around the world who not only relate to my issues but can be the ones who I also learn and grow with.
This is not to say that I will be cutting off any of my friends in the real life. But I’m looking for change, not necessarily in the world but in myself. I want to be able to open up again to others. I want to be able to share stories and not feel so emotional or sad about everything that I have to keep bottled up. More importantly, I want to be truly happy again. I want to be able to know that I’m doing more things that I’m proud of and that I’m able to just learn to let go and stop living this life where I have to keep things so bottled up. So here’s to the same years, but a new me. Let’s start with this blog.